I think this is the third time I’ve started writing a blog post for this contest. I thought about not even writing at all. Mostly because I haven’t really believed I can win it. And the reason I think I can’t win is because I’m not really sure what I want my story to be.
I know how my story started. If I was going to write my story as a book, I’d like the first paragraph to go something like this:
“It was February in Kentucky. For most of the state, that means it’s the midst of the college basketball season and the excitement and tradition that is the University of Kentucky Wildcats. But for one particular couple of Pokeberry Road, it was time for a baby to be born. That baby was me.”
I think that’s a pretty good start. It tells some important things about me. And if I was going to write about my childhood, I’d tell stories about my brother and me. About how we used to play in the creek while Dad and Mom worked in the garden on our neighbors’ farm. I’d have a whole chapter, at least, devoted to my neighbors, Joe and Mrs. Emmons. They were our babysitters and our heroes. I’d probably have to have a chapter on the food of my childhood, too. Food is important, not because we have to have it to live, though that is important, because it is so central to family. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, summer cookouts...all are central to who I am, and food was a central part of those events. And, I can’t stress how much being from central Kentucky influences who I am. I think I really might “Bleed Blue.” I grew up thinking every family watched their state’s basketball team and lived and died with its wins and losses. I thought everybody had an “I Love Rex (Chapman)” shirt like mine and could name all The Unforgettables and hated Duke. But now, I’m starting to get off track...
I’d have to write a little about high school, though I forget a little more about it every year. The same is true for college. Then I’d have to write about seminary and how I met my husband:
“The girl who loved Kentucky blue and the basketball team that wore it found herself drawn to a former dirt track racecar driver from south Mississippi. The deep south of Mississippi. He wore overalls and had a 4 wheeler that he pulled on a trailer he built himself. She liked to shop and drove the Volvo her Dad gave her. She turned him down several times, but he was persistent! And just when he thought about giving up, she decided she really did like him. A lot. Enough to marry him and be a pastor’s wife. Enough to move to Mississippi. Like the deep south of Mississippi. Like a whole day’s drive from her beloved rolling hills of bluegrass. In fact, if she moved any further south, she’d be in the Gulf of Mexico.”
That’s a great plot twist. Because I really would like to live in Kentucky and not in Mississippi. But I love my husband. And I love God. I realized somewhere along the way, that moving to Mississippi might be part of God’s calling for me. Kentucky is much more comfortable. It would be easier. But I don’t think God calls us to be comfortable or for things to be easy. I need to learn to depend on God. And by leaving My Old Kentucky Home, it’s become necessary for me to depend on God.
Back to the task at hand. This stuff is all important to who I am and where I’ve been, but what about where I’m going?
I wish I knew. And that’s where I’m hoping the Living A Better Story conference will help me out. Not that I think I’ll get handed a road map for the rest of my life when I get there. And not that I think God’s voice will start booming over Donald Miller’s and tell me what to do. That would be scary. But because I know I’m looking for some help, some direction, and I think being at an event in a city I’ve never visited will give me a chance to think about who I really want to be. I’ll be able to escape my day-to-day routine and focus on my story. I’m coming to the conference with my mom. I’m pretty excited about that.
Here’s where I’m at right now: We live in a town, a very small town, that I don’t really like. We just got a Mexican restaurant and that has improved life some, but not enough for me to fall in love with the town. My husband is the pastor of a church. A small church. If you googled “typical church in the Bible belt” this church would probably top this list of search results. It does have a website, though I’m not sure any of its members know about it. I feel like an outsider and ministry has been difficult even to the point of discouraging. So much so that my husband and I find ourselves asking this question every week: “What do you want to do for the rest of our lives? Is this it?”
The best part of my life is our two babies. They are currently my full time job. Sadie is almost two and she makes friends everywhere we go because people think she is so beautiful. BTW, She’s named for my hometown of Sadieville. (You like my texting lingo, right? That comes from hanging out with the students at the church where my husband used to work. We miss hanging out with students.) And Joe was born in April. He’s named for the neighbor I’m dedicating a chapter to the childhood section of my story.
A couple of things are non-negotiable for my story:
- I want my children to grow up knowing I love them and God loves them.
- I want my husband to know that I love him.
- I want to maintain my integrity. I think I make a pretty good character. I gossip and complain too much, but for the most part I like to think I’m honorable. I’ve been told that I’m funny, in the dry sense of humor sort of way. I could probably take more risks to create more drama. But that’s where the next part comes in...
These are some chapters, in no particular order, that I’d like to write into my story:
- I’d like to write a book. I’ve always wanted to. It would have to be about Kentucky. I love the books Wendell Berry writes that are set in Kentucky and I want to write stories like those.
- I’d like to take my kids to Disney World. People tell me they are too young to remember it right now, but I’m not too young to remember how excited Sadie would be to see Mickey. She would make the face where she opens her mouth really wide and her eyes almost disappear in a smile. Unless she cries like she did when the Chick-fil-A Cow came to our table. But that would make a memory, too.
- I’d like to get a degree from the University of Kentucky. I’m the only person in my immediate family without one and it is one of my biggest regrets. I’d study anything. I think I’d like to study literature, but history would be ok. I studied math in my previous college experience. If I get to be a student there, I’d like to stand in the eRupption Zone at a basketball game. I know I’d be the oldest student in the eRupption Zone, but it would only be for one game. The rest of the games I could sit with Ashley Judd or Coach Calipari’s family. Right....
- I’d like to live closer to my family in Kentucky. Right now, with two little kids, it takes two days to drive home. Flying is too stressful. We’re too far away from my parents and my brother. I realize moving to Kentucky would put us a two-day drive from my husband’s family. I’m willing to find a middle ground.
- I’d like to see my husband enjoying ministry at a church, even if it is hard, and I’d like to get to work with him. It’d be fun to be on a church staff. He could be one of the preachers or the youth pastor and I could help plan the worship services. I worked on the worship team at seminary while I was a student and I got to design the space and art for worship. I loved thinking about how people can engage all of their senses in worshipping God. I’ve found that if I can see, taste, smell or feel something that connects me to God it’s a lot easier to hear God, too. I wrote some of my best poetry while working on that team, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
- I want to be involved with a student ministry again. It is satisfying to know you have a positive influence on teenagers. When I think about who I am, a lot of it has to do with the adults at my church who mentored me. I’d like to be that person for someone else.
I may have exceeded the word limit for this blog entry, but I decided I’ve got nothing to lose by writing it. Even if I don’t win a free trip to the conference, it’s helped me think about my story, about who I am and what I want to write next. I’m eager to concentrate more on it when I get to Portland.
Living A Better Story Conference
Living A Better Story Conference
<object width="400" height="300"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=12011394&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=&fullscreen=1&autoplay=0&loop=0" /><embed src="http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=12011394&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=1&color=&fullscreen=1&autoplay=0&loop=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="300"></embed></object><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/12011394">Living a Better Story Seminar</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/atcpodcast">All Things Converge Podcast</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>
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